I say: 'No no no,' because that really would be the kiss of death," Carlin said in his final interview before his death in 2008. "Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin Shitting on GovernmentBuy Me a Pizzahttps://www.buymeacoffee.com/LaughPlGEORGE CARLINhttps://www.youtube.com/user/OfficialGeorgeCarlin/feedGeorge's websitehttps://georgecarlin.com/Social Media:\rInstagram: https://www.instagram.com/thelaughplanetofficial/\rYoutube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCiI_jyH_0yttWG-m5fBYGmA\rTwitter: https://twitter.com/laugh_planet\rWebsite: http://thelaughplanet.comContact us: ash98jha@gmai.com #GeorgeCarlin #Government #America #Comedy #LaughPlanet Bing Ads sets this cookie to engage with a user that has previously visited the website. "I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Contents 1 Quotes 1.1 FM & AM (1972) It sounds like this: What, they have bigger dicks? ", 69. This cookie can only be read from the domain they are set on and will not track any data while browsing through other sites. Obedient workers, people who are just smart enough to run the machines and do the paperwork. Petras said shes glad the industry is finally catching on to her talent. ", 96. This cookie is set by the provider Mixcloud. Its because volunteers work for no pay. "People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think. On Sunday, the 29-year-old Angie revealed that not . ", 62. George Carlin Quotes - BrainyQuote. It takes up a lot of your time. AddThis sets this cookie to enable the visitors to share the web pages on social platforms via sharing buttons on the website. "Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. Politics Notify me about new: Board Topics. "Dont just teach your children to read. "If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. ", 37. ", 10. '""I have solved this political dilemma in a very direct way: I don't vote. A provocative new photo shoot has the trolls losing their minds alongside the likes of Noel Gallagher, Bob Geldof, and Azealia Banks. ", 2. If you're born in America you get a front row seat. "I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. This cookie, set by DataXu, tracks the advertisement report which helps to improve the marketing activity. 'They dont want a population of citizens capable of critical thinking. He was regarded as one of the most important and influential stand-up comics of all time. ""You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? ""Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. "Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life. Everything He ever makes dies. George Carlinwas one of the greatest comedians that ever graced a stage, and his comedy was as poignant and deep as it was hilarious. They dont give a fuck about you. This is the best we can do folks. It helps in improving the performance. 1 Every year in January, WEF holds its annual meeting in Davos, Switzerland. "If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, youre going to have selfish, ignorant leaders. StackAdapt sets this cookie as a Random Identifier for user identification, to display relevant advertisements. "Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? I just dont have as many people who believe it. As politicians and social media commentators weighed in on . After harping on his skepticism of politicians, particularly Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, 51-year-old Ice Cube doubled down on his distrust of the government on Tuesday by sharing a. They don't fall out of the sky. If youre offended by foul language dont watch this f**king video. "How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. "What if there were no hypothetical questions? Teach them to question what they read. 'George Carlin - Life Is Worth LosingRecorded 5 Nov 2005, Beacon Theater, New York City, New YorkReleased: January 10, 2006Audio-visual content monetised by copyright claimant, MPI Media Check out100 Best Dad Jokes50 Thinking of You Quotes50 Friday Quotes50 Monday Motivation Quotes101Bad Puns200Jokes for Kids, Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television. of American cultural paradoxes.. "We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. They don't want to hear from you . Weve also included some of his sketches from YouTube, viral videos of jokes you might have heard once or twice before. . ", 16. People are stupid because, well, people are stupid. They own everything.. Thats right. ", 117. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. They own and control the corporations. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' ", 50. ", 86. The challenge is to find it. ", 63. If youre pre-born, youre fine, if youre preschool, youre fucked.. ", 39. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vZijLQGH1v0 No, wait, hold on . Scorecard Research sets this cookie for browser behaviour research. "Some people see things that are and ask, 'Why?' 28. r/antiwork. And if somehow, you must join, if its unavoidable, such as a union or a trade association, go ahead and join. ", 15. I'm used to dogs. Deal with it. Teach them to question everything. . ", 104. "You don't know anything about pain until you've seen your own baby . He saw it from a . With his daring satirical jokes, his words will make you laugh and make you think profoundly about everything you experience. On Election Day, I stay home. This cookie expires after 30 minutes but the timer is reset if the visitor visits a new page on the site before the cookie expires. "It helps to remember this.. This cookie is set by the provider Akamai Bot Manager. ", 46. Then they would drink a lot of coffee.' Every now and then you find yourself in a different place. After harping on his skepticism of politicians, particularly Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden, 51-year-old Ice Cube doubled down on his distrust of the government on Tuesday by sharing a famous quote by the late, great comedian George Carlin on Twitter. "Would a fly without wings be called a walk? The people left of center were liberals; the people right of center were conservatives. You will be notified via email when a new post is published. George Carlin was a comedian and social critic. "I don't have pet peeves. You have owners. Theyre not interested in that. "People who see life as anything more than pure entertainment are missing the point. "A good motto to live by: 'Always try not to get killed. It creates a hostile work environment. Hes all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just cant handle money! George Carlin, Thats why they call it the American Dreambecause you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin, Religion is like a pair of shoes..Find one that fits for you, but dont make me wear your shoes. George Carlin, He and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly. George Carlin, I do this real moron thing, and its called thinking. This is what we have to offer. -George Carlin There you are. When you leave them in the morning they stick their noses in the door crack and stand there like a portrait until you return eight hours later. Owned by agkn, this cookie is used for targeting and advertising purposes. "Laugh often, long and loud. This Cookie is used by Yahoo to anonymously store data related to user's visits, such as the number of visits, average time spent on the website and what pages have been loaded. ", 103. 03 Mar 2023 16:21:02 American - Comedian May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008. When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. You don't. You have no choice. When youre born in America, you get a front row seat. George Carlin, Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? George Carlin, Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin, I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, Wheres the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin, Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin, Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin, Weve learned how to make aliving, but not alife. Doesnt give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results. George Carlin, Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin, I have as much authority as the Pope. This cookie is used for preventing the installation of third party advertiser or other cookies on the browser. I guess if they are going to force those kids to pray in schools they might as well have a nice prayer like this: Our Father who art in heaven, and to the republic for which it stands, thy kingdom come, one nation indivisible as in heaven, give us this day as we forgive those who so proudly we hail. Related: When it comes to mass shootings, the problem isnt Republicans or the NRA. George Carlin on Being Arrested for Performing "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" Johnny Carson 325K views 3 months ago George Carlin - Stand Up About Religion Matti Holden 13M. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. This cookie is used for implementing audio files on the website. ", 95. "Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. Photo: Matthias Clamer (modified by author) Source: Getty Images One-liner jokes. George Carlin was one of the more popular and influential comics to emerge from the 1960s counterculture. The cookie, set by Krux Digital, registers a unique ID that identifies a returning user's device. ", 106. ", 10. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. You should die first; get it out of the way. Some of the data that are collected include the number of visitors, their source, and the pages they visit anonymously. "'I am' is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. This is one of the greatest social and political commentaries of the modern era. "Boy, these conservatives are really something, arent they? The cookie is used for storing the start and end of the user session for nielsen statistics. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? These Politicians Don't Care About You At All The failures of people who supposedly represent the people Photo by Marco Oriolesi on Unsplash When people elect leaders in a democracy, the. "I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' You don't. No neonatal care, no daycare, no Head Start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? The quote continues: "They own all the important land. Its you. But once you're born, you're on your own. These cookies ensure basic functionalities and security features of the website, anonymously. Whatever you do dont make it go viral! They own you. But there is an I in independence, individuality, and integrity. ", 9. You have owners. "One can never know for sure what a deserted area can look like. PayPal sets this cookie to enable secure transactions through PayPal. It also helps in fraud preventions. They've got you by the balls. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, its not the politicians who suck. ", 61. And I would say, 'I'm not playin', Ma. George Carlin Philosophy, Real, Lying 192 Copy quote I've set my own rules to live by. God has a three-day weekend. George Carlin, The real reason that we cant have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. George Carlin, Meow means woof in cat. George Carlin, When youre born you get a ticket to the freak show. "Although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. This cookie is installed by Google Universal Analytics to restrain request rate and thus limit the collection of data on high traffic sites. And generally speaking again it's all generalized the left-of-center people are more concerned with humans and human beings and human concerns; to the care of humans, not the care and worry about property rights. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Other. The _omappvp cookie is set to distinguish new and returning users and is used in conjunction with _omappvs cookie. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbyinglobbying to get what they want. Carlin considered conservatives and Republicans the greedy, warmongering class in political ideologies. "I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loath and despise the groups they identify or belong to. "Electricity is really just organized lightning. In the footage from his 1996 HBO special, Back In Town, Carlin tears into the pro-life movement: Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to 9 months. Theyve long since bought, and paid for the Senate, the Congress, the state houses, the city halls, they got the judges in their back pockets and they own all the big media companies, so they control just about all of the news and information you get to hear. Thats what all that adolescent, macho, male posturing and strutting in bars and locker rooms is all about. This anonymous data helps us to better understand users' needs and customize the website accordingly. The dmvk cookie is set by Dailymotion to record data of visitor behaviour on the website. This country is full of nitwits and assholes. George Carlin: Life Is Worth Losing George Carlin told us about the Corona panic years ago Ryan Davis 3.5M views 2 years ago Joe Rogan | George Carlin's Lost 9/11 Special JRE Clips 2.6M. In the clip, Carlin says the pro-life movement isnt pro-life at all. "Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin. "We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. George Carlin quotes and jokes about politics and religion "Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. ""Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren't they? ", 74. ""Now, there's one thing you might have noticed I don't complain about: politicians. After that, they dont wanna know about you. Whenever some boomer try's to lecture you about how their first job in the 60s they only made $3 an hour, just remember, $3 in 1969 had the equivalent buying power as $25.01 today. They don't want to hear from you. The cookie is used to store and identify a users' unique session ID for the purpose of managing user session on the website. They dont wanna hear from you. ", 107. Carlin is funny as hell. Trump did not fall to Earth from. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. I recall many years ago, when he was guest-hosting the Tonight show, George Carlin having a somewhat strained political conversation with the comedian Shelley Winters. Weve learned how to make a living but not a life. This information is then used to select advertisements delivered by the platform and measure the performance of the advretisement and attribute their payments. ", 125. I mean, life is tough. You think the schools are the way they are by accident? ", 5. Everybody says they suck. You have OWNERS! George Carlin : And I'll guarantee you one thing: you start executing, you start nailing one white banker per week to a big wooden cross on national TV, you're gonna see that drug traffic begin to slow down pretty fucking quick. No neonatal care, no day care, no head start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. ", 102. ", 17. ", 31. No nothing! What do you get at the end of it? When you see the documentary, you'll see this, but the evolution of Carlin wasn't just . ", 11. It helps in consumer profiling for online advertising. "Things you never hear: 'Please stop sucking my d**k or I'll call the police. George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you - YouTube 0:00 / 0:37 George Carlin - Government doesn't care about you ThreeToedPete 955 subscribers Subscribe 502 Share 35K. This cookie is used as a unique identifier for the BlueConic profile. Try spelling Evian backward. By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. Its so fuckin heroic. George Carlin, If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin, Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and dont have time for all that. George Carlin, The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. ", 51. Its a subconscious need to project the penis into other peoples affairs. At all. I had an imaginary friend. Now come the lawsuits, Weird Texas GOP bill would give big tax cuts only to hetero couples with lots of kids, Libs Of TikToks Chaya Raichik & Nikki Haley gave CPAC speeches to mostly empty rooms, 5 times The Onion brilliantly skewered J.K. Rowlings & The New York Times transphobia, A right-wing podcaster tried to smear Pete Buttigieg. So we are going to have to do lots of things different as a Black community," Ice Cube said in a video shared on Twitter on October 11. ", Want more great quotes? George Carlin. This cookie is used for embedding The Guardian video player. They own and control the corporations. It does not store any personal data. Chartbeat sets this cookie to store information about when a visitor has visited the site before. ", Join half a million readers enjoying Newsweek's free newsletters. This cookie, set by Cloudflare, is used to support Cloudflare Bot Management. Broadly speaking. They will do anything for the unborn. ""Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. ", 77. This cookie is set by pippio to provide users with relevant advertisements and limit the number of ads displayed. "Isnt making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool? Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. It was during the waning of the Nixon years, where confidence in government was beginning its slide down to the Stygian depths where it rests today; the Vietnam War, and racial unrest, continued to rage on. "In America, anyone can become president. It seems only right. 1. Ice Cube visits the "Sway in the Morning" show with Sway Calloway on Shade 45 at SiriusXM Studios on December 07, 2018, in New York City. By programmers in one hour. ", 109. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. Because you have the illusion of choice. ""Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? G eorge Carlin was ahead of his time. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. George Carlin, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin, Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin, Men are from Earth; women are from Earth. "So, have a little fun. Thats the problem. ", 54. Whats that, a bonus? That doesnt help them. The JSESSIONID cookie is used by New Relic to store a session identifier so that New Relic can monitor session counts for an application. "Men are from. In no way does superstitious nonsense like this apply to the lives of intelligent, civilized human beings in the 21st Century. - Arthur Baer. Here is one I would suggest: Alcohol will turn you into the same asshole your father was. George Carlin, How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin, Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Others see it half empty. Part of HuffPost Entertainment. By clicking Accept All Cookies, you agree to the storing of cookies on your device to enhance site navigation, analyze site usage, and assist in our marketing efforts. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. "I do this real moron thing, and it's called thinking. The people are f**ked. The __gads cookie, set by Google, is stored under DoubleClick domain and tracks the number of times users see an advert, measures the success of the campaign and calculates its revenue. George Carlin may be dead, but his spirit lives on. I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. A cat's "meow" can be a "woof" for him. Then you're just what they're looking for. Everybody's . "I often warn people: Somewhere along the way, someone is going to tell you, There is no I in team. What you should tell them is, Maybe not. When a . New evidence may suggest they don't and many voters are skeptical, too. Its called fucking with people! ", 2. This helps to distinguish between new, returning, and loyal visitors. The first one is: 'Never believe ANYthing the government says.' George Carlin Believe, Government, Rules To Live By 48 Copy quote Tell people an invisible man in the sky created all things, they believe you. In his 1996 HBO special Back in Town, the late comic legend and social critic George Carlin nailed the hypocrisy of social conservatives who rail against abortion and birth control with "pro-life" rhetoric while simultaneously attacking social . ", 88. They should be giving their money to you. They own everything. Now I feel better. Bluekai uses this cookie to build an anonymous user profile with data like the user's online behaviour and interests. I'm your huckleberry. I will not, however, be responsible for the consequences. ""The owners of this country know the truth: It's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. Installed by Google Analytics, _gid cookie stores information on how visitors use a website, while also creating an analytics report of the website's performance. This cookie is set by Rubicon Project and is used for recording cookie consent data. Used by Zoominfo to enhance customer data. Forget the politicians. RIP George Carlin. You know what they want? Thell get it all from you sooner or later cause they own this fuckin place. You think your current financial. Take George Carlin, for example. Could it be that I do is the longest sentence? George Carlin, If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isnt the whole airplane made out of that stuff? "By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. To avoid conflicts, each partner's ID is stored using separate cookies, which are merged to the ljtrtb cookie when it is available. You don't. You have no choice! We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often. They own you. Honestly, I'd lean towards anarchist. '", 123. Bomb them! And of course, the bombs and the rockets and the bullets are all shaped like dicks. ''It's called the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. This cookie is set by the BlueConic. "Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did. Politicians don't care about you. If he wants to just lecture with his opinions then he gets lectured back with other peoples opinions. To me, war is a lot of prick-waving! ", 24. He famously said he didn't vote, so he couldn't be to blame for whatever shit show we got ourselves into. He has been widely cited as a political humor expert and authored two books on the subject. ""I don't think we should be governing ourselves. NID cookie, set by Google, is used for advertising purposes; to limit the number of times the user sees an ad, to mute unwanted ads, and to measure the effectiveness of ads. They got you by the balls. Daniel Kurtzman is a political journalist turned satirist. "Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. I see a glass thats twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin, How come when its us, its an abortion, and when its a chicken, its an omelette? George Carlin, Laugh often, long and loud. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. They own everything" "They've. Twitter sets this cookie to integrate and share features for social media and also store information about how the user uses the website, for tracking and targeting. And they all vote. They spend billions of dollars every year lobbying. Nobeody seems to care. The politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You probably know what pinkwashing and queerbaiting are, but how about abrosexual and multisexual? ", 72. Save the planet; we dont even know how to take care of ourselves yet. "There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. ", 115. "If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? ", 55. George Carlin's acerbic wit and profound societal insights were a one time cultural phenomenon. Never join a group that has a name. '", 78. September 12, 2019. Its what our system produces: Garbage in, garbage out. They own all the important land. You have owners. Change), You are commenting using your Facebook account. ", 92. If they say, Were the So-and-Sos, take a walk. Carlin had 14 comedy specials, several published books and CDs, 5 Grammy awards, many TV and movie roles, and the title of being the first-ever host of Saturday Night Live, all under his belt. Ice Cube and his political affiliations have been in the spotlight ever since White House senior advisor Katrina Pierson publicly thanked the Friday actor for his help in developing the "Platinum Plan" with Trump officials. He's not a cheese. And generally speaking, people onthe right of center, are interested in property values, property, property rights. You throw out the first three commandments, wssst! He died in 2008, the week after he had been named the recipient of the Mark Twain Prize . Craziest Republican Quotes of the 21st Century, The Funniest Political Quotes of All Time, Funny Arnold Schwarzenegger Quotes as Actor and Politician, Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. Set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin, this cookie is used to record the user consent for the cookies in the "Advertisement" category . I don't trust none of them. Theyre anti-woman, simple as it gets, he said. The cookie stores information anonymously and assigns a randomly generated number to recognize unique visitors. The truth is that George Carlin would be branded a left-wing nut job who has pie-in-the-sky ideas and wants people to collect money for doing nothing. George Denis Patrick Carlin ( May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008) was an American stand-up comedian, actor, author, singer, voice artist, and comedian, noted especially for his irreverent attitude and his observations on politics, language, psychology, and religion, as well as some taboo subjects. ", 68. Join. ", 3. And nobody seems to notice. Im tired of this shit. George Carlin, Never argue with an idiot. ", 65. 234. leaked draft opinion from the Supreme Court. The cookie is a session cookies and is deleted when all the browser windows are closed. They own everything. Google DoubleClick IDE cookies are used to store information about how the user uses the website to present them with relevant ads and according to the user profile. The challenge is to find it. George Carlin, What if there were no hypothetical questions? George Carlin, The planet is fine. ", 57. "Weather forecast for tonight: dark. YSC cookie is set by Youtube and is used to track the views of embedded videos on Youtube pages. "Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. They dont want that. ", 42. "Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time. I just dont have as many people who believe it. George Carlin, Now, theres one thing you might have noticed I dont complain about: politicians. This cookie, set by PubMatic, is used to build a profile of user interests and to show relevant ads. Just like homeless people. Try spelling Evian backward. So, maybe, maybe, maybe, it's not the politicians who suck.
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