I added more feathers, mardi gras beads and glue on fake jewels to . alley? Q: Where do New Yorkers put their dogs muzzles? a #2 mayonnaise Q: What are good directions to a urologist's office? folks who ran "The Tonight Show" in the 70's. The character was introduced in 1964. The Tonight Show: four-digit numbers (ostensibly the last four digits of an audience member's phone number).Carson Carnac the Magnificent: Carson plays a psychic . Tell a friend Ask a question. . A: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign A: The American condor, the American eagle and the American The Question: How much did Clarnac lose on his 30 day diet? The Question: Name the two dummies in the Gray-Daniels Auto Group commercial. Make your own images with our Meme Generator or Animated GIF Maker. shorts. After 30 years of hosting The Tonight Show, Johnny Carson said his final farewell on May 22, 1992. "Carnak: Do-whacka-doEd: Do-whacka-doCarnack: What do you look for when you're hunting do-whackas?Carnak: Dippity-doEd: Dippity-doCarnak: What collects on your dippity in the morning?A. My favorite Carnac(sp?) Q: Name a Kristofferson. While all were memorable, its her duet with Carson thats particularly unforgettable. , The Question: What would a lot of people like to do to Lady Gaga? CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT ED McMAHON: Heaven has no brighter star than our next stellar guest, that omnipotent master of the east and former manicurist to Howard Hughes, Carnac the Magnificent. Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? Q. A: Until he gets caught. The character would emerge from behind the show's curtain accompanied by Indian music, and make his way towards the desk, where he would invariably stumble on the step in front of the desk and lose his balance. Q: What would you find in Superman's bathroom? QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? A: Henry R. Block. Commissary. I'm being held prisoner on a God-forsaken island! Q: What do you call Hershey's Prune Kisses? Line: 192 MORE OF THE BEST OF CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT. What do you look for when you're tracking three whackas? A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. The Answer: Liar, Liar, Pantsuit on Fire. The curses were basically middle eastern curses and would not be considered politically correct today. Q: Describe a stoned bowling team. The Question: Name an elephant, a donkey, and a Rino. A: Over 15 billion served. Carson Emmy Awards, The 1975. If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember Carnac the Magnificent, a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. The crowd is hostile. Q: How does a stupid person spell "backgammon"? , The Question: What is the longest sentence in the world? Q: Name three things that go to the bathroom outdoors. The Question: What do Democrats in the Mississippi House of Representatives wish they had? ", and "9W" was the answer to "Mr. Wagner, do you spell your name with a V?" The Question: How much is Oprah Winfrey worth? A: "I never promised you a rose garden." Q: What holds up Oral Roberts' pants? Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. In fact, had Bilaam been successful in his attempt to curse us, the Jewish people would have been destroyed, G-d forbid. a #2 mayonnaise (Crowd cheers) #10. The Answer: Three of the best years of his life. Food is produced in abundance with machines that allow just a few people to operate massive farms with ease. Q: Why didn't Mrs. Franklin have any kids? CARNAC: May a diseased yak drop his cud in your hooped Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/page/index.php One was a bottle with a message in it that read, "Help! envelopes. In article <9@psivax.UUCP> a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: I remember some of these from some book or other on the joys of. A: Mount Baldy. A: 2001. A: Shoo-be-doo-be-doo. A: The big ten. The reason for this is because when the Messiah comes the world will go back to its perfected state the way things were before the Primordial Sin so all the curses will have to be reverted and the world brought back to normal. 1981 | TV-14 | CC. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Welcome once again, O Great Sage. And even people who dont work at all need not starve, as food banks and charities abound, and governments provide welfare. All the funny items on this website are fictitious. One of those that I remember was "May a diseased yak marry your sister!" "May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup." A: Kumquat. Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi? , The Question: What is the name the new Disney fat stripper movie. Q: What does an alligator get on welfare? In one of his most famous sketches, Johnny Carson channeled his psychic abilities as Carnac the Magnificent. Carson, dressed in a turban and cape, would predict the answers to questions that were sealed in an envelope. Discover and Share the best GIFs on Tenor. May your first born male child be trapped in a steam room with the VillagePeople. The Question: Name four traits you have to have to be president in 2022. (Crowd applauds) #10. After reading the answer, scroll down for the punch line and laughter. The Answer: The Pinocchio Treatment and Recovery Center. [9], File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_modal.php A: WKRP In Cincinnati. Alas, poor Yorick, dont forget your American Express card! Line: 24 The Answer: Kermit the Frog, Shrek, and Al Gore. says? A: Black and white and twenty feet tall. Ed: I hold in my hand the envelopes. Q: What do you get when you squat on a rosy red fire? A: Sex. Q: What was dat hippie smoking? . This is a very exciting evening for us at ______________________. The Answer: Howdy Doody, Jerry Mahoney, and Joe Biden. Starring: Johnny Carson and Ed McMahon; Directed by: Bobby Quinn; The Tonight Show starring Johnny Carson - Show Date: 05/24/84. The crowd burst into laugher as the handler attempted to free The Tonight Show host from the animals grasp. , The Question: Name Nancy Pelosis favorite flavored fruit drink. It is original material for the most part. by BMcCJ. Size: One SizeColor: Jumbo Gold/Purple Verified Purchase. , The Question: Who is the Democrat Congressman in Mississippis 2nd Congressional District? Clarnac: May a diseased shih tzu hump your grandmothers good leg. Q: Name two countries and a luncheon special at the NBC May you be blessed with a son so smart he learns the mourner's prayerbefore his Bar-Mitzvah speech. "May Yule Gibbens eat your pine trees!" share. A: "Coming home." CARNAC: May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub. Q: How many football games were televised over (Johnny Carson character on the Tonight Show) Joke goes something like this: The Answer: "Siss, Boom, Baa" The Question: "What noise does a sheep make when it explodes?" Carson and McMahon were in tears with this one (along with everyone else) and could hardly continue the with rest of the skit. Q: What did Sonny Bono used to be? Q: What does a president look for in a singles bar? A: "Breaking Away" and "Here's Boomer." ), The Question: Who is the largest conservative in the Republican Party? ANSWER: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. The character was introduced in 1964. Carnac the Magnificent. A: "Follow the yellow brick road." The Answer: An Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy, and two Golden Globes. Q: What are the only things that can move on Sundays? Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. They've been kept in a mayonnaise jar on Funk and Wagnalls' porch since noon today. A: Supervisor. May you fall in the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians finishes aprune stew and twelve barrels of beer. A: Rocky, Network and The Silver Streak. Although Bilaams curses were many, all of the other curses - save the one for Houses of Prayer and Study - eventually came to pass. (crowd cheers). A: Rough cut. The Answer: Sinking faster than the Titanic. "Johnny: "It was so cold, the politicians had their hands in their ownpockets. A: An unmarried woman. The Question: What was the result of Joe Bidens colonoscopy? . Ed: Often times, thats exactly what Clarnac gets. The Answer: Become a professional politician. Q: What do you say when calling your quat? B. Clarnac: May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. May your enemies get cramps in their legs as they dance on your grave. A: E.S.T., P.M. and B.M. A: SAG Strike. Q: Describe a double feature with Earthquake and The Q: How do you say "Good morning" to your diddly Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed and kept in a #2 size mayonnaise jar on Dr. Faucis porch since noon today. CARNAC: May a weird holy man drop a cactus down your One of the most memorable audience insults came after the Philadelphia 76ers swept the Los Angeles Lakers in the finals to win the 1983 NBA Championship, when Carnac retorted, "May Dr. J slam dunk your cat." The audience was silent as Carson and Midler sang an a cappella version of the song Heres That Rainy Day. Its a sweet and sincere moment that youd be hard pressed to find in todays late-night lineup. A client of mine was hosting a dinner party, wanted to entertain her guests by re-enacting this skit between Johnny Carson and Ed . In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes. QUESTION: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. doctors. I just got a new DVD, and I am really excited about it, but I miss my childhood a little bit I guess. Shriver. Of course, Carson touched on those two particular topics during his routine. ED: Certainly worth waiting for May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. Q: What do you call an agreement with Don Rickles? The Question: How did Obiden sanction the Russians for invading Ukraine? CARNAC: May a camel chip float in your martini. The Question: Where was the largest gathering of Southern Baptists in history? Q: Name three things you won't find in Los Angeles. Q: Who won't be let out to see the picture? Q: When should you plan on making a rest stop at a gas On Johnny Carsons second to last show, triple threat Bette Midler sang a few songs to commemorate Carsons departure from television. Carnac the Magnificent: Three Dog Night & Mount Baldy on Johnny Carson's Tonight Show Johnny Carson 772K subscribers Subscribe 5.9K 1.1M views 11 years ago Watch Carson episodes every night on. I've often used Carnac in my work, pretending to be him, when confronted with the unknowable, the unanswerable, the irrational questions for which no reasonable responses are going to solve the problem. share. Q: What do you call dressing up as a tree? They are adding a Carnac the Magnificent bit to their shows and need a turban, which is more of a cross between costume and prop. Funny story written by Dr. Billingsgate. One of Johnny's best-loved characters was Carnac the Magnificent. A: Bi-focal. Related Topics. Q: Name a spud, a stud and a dud. The Question: Because she is so old, what does Nancy Pelosis breath smell like? Organized in groups of 10. , The Question: Suppose you were an idiot and suppose you were in Congress. Necessity dictates the insertion of an appropriate disclamatory proclamation into this section of this missive, both for assuredness of legality, and to satisfy my lust for bombast. Carnac held each envelope to his forehead while "divining" the answer, then tore open the end of the envelope and loudly blew into it before removing the index card with the question. be sending Georgia soon? Q: What do you do if a Chinese laundry ruins your shirts? A: Pat and Debby Boone. A: Sueeee, sueeee. Q: What will you get if you ignore a trucker's blockade? As a child of four can Only this curse was not humorous at all. We are now officially the living who envy the dead! , What do diapers and politicians have in common? We have in the building tonight that great visitor from the East. Q: What sign did Queen Elizabeth hang on Princess Q: What's the best thing to do if you swallow a hand toilet is stopped up? If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember "Carnac the Magnificent", a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. The entire studio erupts in hysterical laughter] ", "May the fairy god-camel leave a lump on your pillow! The Question: Whats the difference between a dollar bill and LeBron James? Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man yell when he hears flushing? The Question: What was Barrack Obamas number when he was the quarterback at Lucifer High School? The Answer: Confused, weak, feeble, and uncertain. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. I forgot aboutyour total recall. . Actually, I have to admit reading it in the book "Superman: Last Son ofKrypton" (which is [very] loosely based on the movie) in which Lex Luthor(responding to the question "You told me your second favorite pastime.What's first?") Pat McCormickwrote some of the zaniest Carnac material. 596 views, 2 upvotes, 1 comment. "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes. Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his The Answer: Sam Quint, Jonah, and Osama Bin Laden. sister's hooped skirt. Q: What instrument does a doctor use to examine your Q: What do they call the entrance to "The Gong Found 50507 ratings (with comment) There are 50,507 ratings (that include a comment). During one of his infamous animal interactions, Johnny Carson got up close and very personal with a Burmese python. A: Shake and bake. The Answer: An I-Phone, a cable bill, and a BMW lease. After Carnac said an answer, McMahon would frequently repeat it in a booming voice ostensibly as a help to the audience setting up a sneer, putdown, or some other comic reaction from Carson. "Knickerbocker"Q. A: 20,000 Leagues Beneath the Sea. car industry. A: "Rose Bowl." McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". The Answer: Hes 97 and we dont know where the hell he is. I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. (the curse). Q: On a cold morning, what forms on de-grass? Carnac Unlimited Send a link or joke to a friend "I dream my stories," said the Author. A: The Newlywed Game. May your children not forget you as they kneel to pray. A: Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious and detente. A: Plumber's helper. Feel free to laugh, but beware! , The Question: What is the official state bird of Mississippi? Inning. Q: How did Marlon Perkins explain the rash on his thigh? Images tagged "johnny carson". The Question: What is the name of Trumps new Vodka? , The Question: What do you call 435 House members and 100 Senators at the bottom of the ocean. A: The Loch Ness Monster. A: Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition. [1] Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? Explanation of WPA. The Question: Name a drink made up of 7-Up and prune juice. Q: What's the smart thing to do if a Dallas Cowgirl touches eyes? Q: Name a leak, a Greek and a freak. Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be? cleanup team? ", Jan Elliott AT&T Bell Labs, Holmdel, NJ .hounx!jansz. The Question: Name three famous puppets. So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. , The Question: Who is the first Affirmative Action Vice President of the United States? , The Question: Name a person who looks like Elmer Fudd, talks like Gomer Pyle, and dresses like Ellen Degeneres.
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