Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? For true success, it matters what our goals are. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. 9. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? The smile looks really good on you. These are results of some deep thoughts and observations from their lives and are like our lives because we are all human. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. Are you sure you aren't all four majors because you would be a grandslam? I am Jimmy, clown at heart. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? And now it will be poisoned for you. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. What did the Mormon say to his golfing buddies? All through the night they made wild love together. Lee Trevino. The three tried & true methods of improving your game are: practice, study the pros, and cheat your ass off. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! Your email address will not be published. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. happen again! I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. They have been there where we are standing now. Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. Golf is a lot like life. I never learned anything from a match that I won. Bobby Jones, 62. Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. And maybe thats why the highs were so high and the lows felt so low. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will I never prayed that I would make a putt. The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. Because all the other four letter words were taken. "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? In the morning, the woman woke up and arose from bed. He went up to her, talked to her, and convinced her to come back to his hotel room for the night. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you. Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. What did the golfer say after performing yoga? Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. You hit down to make the ball go up. Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. A fan in the crowd said Mr. Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. Always keep learning. Basketball is a sport for black men. Dean Martin, He loved the game. What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? I chipped in from the rough! It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. Very interesting. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. Is everything okay?. There is no such thing as a natural touch. Drops him off at the golf course! Sir W.G. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. Tahiti who? Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. I know what to look for. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! Andy who? Bruce Lansky, Author. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. Correct one fault at a time. Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. I like big putts and I cannot lie. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? Where is the best place to go on vacation? What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? "Golf is my profession. Ben Hogan. Boo who? Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan, 56. No matter the distance, its through that tall tree over there. Your fifth putt. One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. You shot an eight. I . After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. They have a hard drive. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. What did the duck say to the golf ball? And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. Not sure who said it, but whoever did understands the game, at times, doesnt make much sense. Try choking donw on the shaft. In case he gets a hole in one. Why did Snoop Dogg bring an umbrella to the golf course? Its almost a law. Your email address will not be published. The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. Enjoy! Don't worry to do dirty jobs. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. 3. Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. All of them. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. "Hockey is a sport for white men. when we were married," said the pouting wife. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. 5. Any birdie will do. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. Lee Trevino, 59. Big pupils lead to big scores. Whats the best quality in a golf partner? All he knows how to play with is Clubs! "Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.". Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". Why are computers such naturally good golfers? Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. Many of them contain words and phrases that are unable to grace this slideshow. You look like someone who likes to swing.
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